the thick fog that creeps into the night

the thick fog that creeps into the night,
the only time i ask for any relief,
the thick fog that comes into my mind…
and drugs me with fantasies
the ones i escaped in reality
and makes things go wrong
towards which i’ve stood strong
and burns me to the ground with its eyes
that i’ve left in shame so shy
and tells me i cant start again
that this Hell will never end
but i scream echoes hitting my skull
the horrors i lived wont get me killed
so quit invading my mind cuz to me ur gone
a new sun has dawned
and im standing in it with a glow
and ur in my dark shadows

the blood trickling down your body was always more…

the blood trickling down your body was always more…
because pain can’t be understood in tears
tears aren’t expressed in agony
only blood comes out to signify death
only blood is gruesome enough for compassion
only blood makes you realize you are mortal
only blood can make you cry…
and it never even has to be your own.

oh God it’s mocking me

oh God its mockin me
it loves betrayin me
goes in circles spinnin me
so i dont ask why me
but why NOT me
why cant i be like everyone else
why cant i be the real “myself”
n why … oh God why
why cant everything be a LIE?
… its cuz the sick are dyin
n their eyes are beggin
to live for em
to pray for em
n if i dont, then who
if i die, whos left
if i lose, whatll i do
if i stop, thats THEFT
of someone else’s death…
ill fight the devils, til my last breath

my stiff hands only want to get near you…

my stiff hands only want to get near u…
my skin cracks n sheds away
my blood seeps thru the openings
the warmth in my body disappears
n i find myself shaking violently
n my chest is breaking
with every step you take with my soul
n i wont let you.
i only want to get near u
so i can wrap my bloody hands
around your neck
n let my blood trickle down ur body
make it all wash out onto u
and the warmth you have from Hell
will come into me
i want to stand there
and just look into your eyes
until i stop trembling
and you start
and until they roll back into your skull
then i’ll pick my soul back up
and put it inside my broken chest
and leave it there to burn more blood to life
and bring my bones back together
and leave you there at my feet
you will never kill me

just one of those times for pressure

jus one of those times for pressure
in the pain its ur pleasure
with the intensity u can burst
it becomes law so u can feed a thirst
n so u let it blast thru ur bones
breakin em with chain linked stones
movin u, decayin u, down to dust
this is wat happened for bein just
n now ur hands mold u
u decide to be green black yellow blue
to be, to see thru ur own eyes
or to cover with shades of lies
but this is how u grow in the barrens
of ur heart where there’re no clearins
n thas how u become wat u wanna be
to smile as much as u used to bleed
to shed tears which the ground drinks
then all of a sudden- u can think
n thas the way the soil comes alive
n ur smile as sweet as honey from a hive
n the sun shines beatin with ur heart
thas how ur with Allah n never apart

i’ve got nothin else to say

i’ve got nothin else to say
nothin else to be
all i can do is bow
and do my usual plea

there’re things no one can answer
questions inside of u like cancer
theres only one way u can turn
for everything inside of u that burns
others and i are living proof
it was prayer that made us move
and stir whatever it was inside
that made the gates collide
and shatter down our eyes
as mercy poured during sunrise
and out of the ground grew life
this is what we earned from our strife

i’ve got nothin else to say
nothin else to be
all i can do is bow
and make my usual plea
pray for u, for u like me
to have the mercy
the mercy of the tree

Dedicated to someone. 

i’m not allowed to ask

im not allowed to ask
so i whisper it into her ear
“y do u have to be here?”
n im not allowed to ask
but i dont understand wat she says
n y i get knocked into a blaze…
n i have to burn for her sins
to light that fire when its dim
so she can see me
even tho i never get past her eyes
n all i want is to be
far away from all of her lies
the ones she told me all her life
n i could do nothin but try
n make up for the things she did
the gambles in which she bid
comin closer to sellin her soul
thinkin she was bein bold
n i ran for it every time
bringing it back from the grime
n it happens i was the angel
dyin for her in her Hell
she called it sacrifice
i called it massacre
she would roll the dice
n i saved her from her daggers
so i know i cant help but ask
“y cant u live without bein hurt?”

if only you could hear the pain that my ears feel…

if only you could hear the pain that my ears feel…

the stinging of skin against skin
the thrashing onto cold floors
the suffocation of lungs
the self-abuse of my sister

ONLY for this she’d pull up to her feet
it all started with jus one Beat
n soon she found she could cheat
herself out of her life
forget sister, daughter, wife
when she could be a dead woman
never have to understand
why she was born into Hell
but thas exactly where SHE fell
with the strings ringin in the streets
the drumsticks dancin in their Beats
the people movin their heads to the music
and makin their hearts go sick…

thas wat she did to begin all this
make it all understand her pain
which she fed into her heart
shes sick on the cold floor dying
Beating going on in her mind…
did enough notes sing to her,
“La ilaha il Allah”?

i thought i could stop hating you

i thought i could stop hating you
when i said “inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji3oon”
i wonder what happened when your soul got dragged out,
i wonder with how much pain it went,
you know, for a moment i prayed for you,
that moment of remember Allah and His Power,
that moment where i remembered that would happen to me some day.
and then that moment disappeared, leaving my mind, invisible in the air.
cuz then i saw how you made my love cry,
the agony you caused still in a ricochet of several hearts.
you oppressor…
i have nothing else to waste my breath on,
except this:
may Allah, the Exalted, the Most Powerful, the Just, the Most Merciful, the Owner of all that is in the Heavens and the earth, your Creator, the One to decide upon your fate, may He forgive you.a

devils never abandon the sick

devils never abandon the sick
they stay by their side
waitin for the slip
not to watch em die
but to BRING em to their finality
they fight in their frailty
n i lay there in my intoxication
wonderin if im still in this Nation
my sins n tears, like oil n water
nothin mixes together
nothin fixes these matters
i let jinxes do the batter
oh God make em leave
why cant i jus be
they wont stop screaming
i cant start dreaming
my tears are streaming
n all the light beaming
keeps on missin ME